Secrets Kept
by defyingnormalcy
Summary: Andrea Hobbs/Sharon Raydor established couple, takes place during episode 3x15. Written for kairos7 for the majorcrimes 3rd Annual Gift Exchange.


It was an unusually warm evening, even for Los Angeles. Sharon let out a cleansing breath as she leaned back into her chair and reveled in the calming evening breeze against her face. The small glass of wine that she'd had earlier had left her limbs feeling relaxed and her mind feeling less anxious; all in all, it had been a successful Christmas this year so far. From where she sat on her balcony, she could both hear and see the hustle and bustle below her. Normally the noise was grounding, it provided a soundtrack for her, but this evening, it could not offer her the comfort that she sought.

"There you are," Andrea sighed.

Sharon felt the warm, soft caress of her lover's lips against her forehead before she felt the slight dip of the cushions next to her on the patio furniture.

"We're starting to miss you," Andrea said as she wrapped an arm around Sharon.

Sharon smiled and turned her head so that she could meet Andrea halfway for a kiss. "I know, I just needed a minute," she explained.

Andrea's brow furrowed at Sharon's choice of words; Sharon adored everything about Christmas, it was strangely unlike her to need a moment away from the festivities. Not wanting to press any further, given the occasion and given that all three of Sharon's children were inside the condo, laughing and exchanging stories, Andrea simply held Sharon a little closer and rubbed her tense shoulder, hoping to provide some relief. She also couldn't help but notice that the usual contagious sparkle in her eyes seemed to be missing and in its place was a sense of brooding and deep sadness.

"The kids, they're hiding something from me," Sharon said softly and nearly deadpanned. Her voice quivered slightly and Andrea noticed the way that she set her jaw after speaking. She could clearly discern the tension along her jawline and around her lips; it was as though Sharon was holding something in.

Andrea released her hold on Sharon so that she could turn to face her properly. "What makes you think that?" she asked carefully.

"I can just tell. I'm still learning with Rusty, but with Emily and Ricky…there are just some things that you can tell when you're a mother. And knowing when your kids are lying to you or keeping something from you…," she trailed off and shook her head.

Andrea bit her lip and racked her brain for clues as to what the kids could possibly be covering up. A part of her felt disappointed in herself for not noticing things, and for allowing Sharon to deal with this along. "I…I don't know what to say," she said after several moments. "I'm so sorry that I didn't pick up on things. I'm sorry that you felt like you needed to get away from us."

"Oh Andrea," Sharon cupped Andrea's face and smiled softly, "I know that your pride yourself on being able to calculate someone's move before your own in the courtroom, but here, in this house, you don't need to."

Andrea looked like she was about to interject but Sharon added, "I promise you, this isn't your burden to carry. You don't need to drag yourself down and get consumed in worry in order to support me. You support me just by being here, by loving me and listening to me."

Andrea waited until Sharon was done to explain herself, "I'm not trying to say that it's my place to worry, but, I can't help it Sharon. I do worry and it does bother me. I feel like I should have been, I don't know, better prepared. More insightful." She shook her head miserably.

"Children are unpredictable, family is complicated, even when we love each other dearly we still make mistakes; nothing is ever perfect," Sharon said gently. "As long as we're all here, that's what matters."

Andrea turned her head slightly to kiss the palm of Sharon's hand. She grasped it with her own, and brought them both to rest in her lap. "I was going to ask you what I can do, but I have a feeling that you won't want anything more from me," she chuckled.

Sharon nodded. "Some people underestimate just how wonderful it is to have a partner who is sturdy and reliable, but I don't."

The double meaning in Sharon's words did not go unnoticed. Andrea frowned and looked down at their clasped hands. "It's about him, isn't it?" she asked, already dreading the answer.

Sharon nodded grimly; there was only one person in her life who ever brought her so much pain and complication. "I certainly think so. I think he's drinking again. And I think that Emily found out in the last few days, and I think they want to hide that from me because they see how happy I am now, and they don't want to destroy that. They probably think they're protecting me," Sharon responded shakily.

"I see," Andrea said quietly, still looking down at their hands. "Look, Sharon, I know that you four have your no lies rule, and I love that. I love that you have such an open relationship with your kids, and I know that they're so proud to have you as their mother. But, you can't blame them for wanting to hide this from you." At Sharon's surprised look Andrea grimaced. "I'm not defending their position, please don't misunderstand me. I'm just saying that I understand their intention. They love you, and for better or for worse, Jackson is their father and they love at least the idea of him. And they want to protect the both of you."

"When Jackson first left us, he didn't come back until nearly six weeks later. He was drunk, I had just given birth to Ricky; I couldn't deal with him. I told him to leave, I told him that if he didn't that I would call for some of the guys in my division and I told him that unless he got sober he'd never see his kids again," Sharon shook her head and bit her lip. "And I kept my promise. It was nine months before he saw either of the kids again and I only let him because he had been clean and sober for six months. Things got better once he cleaned up but since then, we've always only ever managed to be civil at best. And I've…I mean I've moved on, and I'm happy. And he hasn't. And we're still barely civil."

Andrea's thumb gently traced the top of Sharon's hand. "You did what you had to, to keep your kids safe," she reasoned. "It was a hard decision to make but ultimately it was the right one Sharon."

"Was it? I ask myself every day if I went too far, and maybe that's why the kids want nothing to do with him now," Sharon confessed.

"What you did was protect them against a force that would have been toxic to them. You made a call on your own, without the support of the person who was supposed to be there for you to help you make these decisions with you. Instead, Jackson allowed a toxic force to take over his life and ruin his relationship with his children, and you. That's why they're here now, and that is why they are trying so hard to protect you against what you once protected them against," Andrea said. "They're trying their very best, albeit, misguidedly, to be as strong as their mother was when she was faced with such a difficult decision on her own."

Sharon weighed Andrea's words carefully. "So what do I do now? Do I let them continue with this farce?" she asked. "We can't ignore the truth forever. We have to deal with i-"

"Come on Mom, I know there's mistletoe out there on the balcony but you two can come inside now too," Ricky shouted against the glass door, causing both women to jump in their seats and scowl at him.

"We'll be in in a second," Andrea said, laughing embarrassedly at her own reaction. Next to her, Sharon had her hands over her brightly flushed face a she giggled.

Andrea was captivated by how carefree and joyful Sharon suddenly looked in this moment, without hesitating, she cupped Sharon's face and kissed her tenderly. Sharon hummed against Andrea's lips, and as Andrea pulled away, she leaned forward for another brief kiss, causing Andrea to smile against her lips.

"It's Christmas Eve, right now, you and I are going to go inside and enjoy having all three of your kids under the same roof. Tomorrow we're going to watch them open their gifts and take lots of photos to commemorate this holiday," Andrea whispered tenderly.

"And the day after?" Sharon asked nervously.

"We'll tackle that together. I promise," Andrea said.


End file.
